I love the way the air smells right now, perfumed with the coming summer. A heaviness, not overwhelming, yet laden with memories of lazy summers spent sipping glasses of water as I sat on couches and dreamed of the future, of when I would be in college and know exactly who I am.
I hope to write more in this blog, and I hope that it eventually feels natural, that I can at least know who I am during the moments when I write here, that I will at least feel rooted while sending off stray thoughts to a server in a distant state as I sit in Lansing and think about all my 14-year old dreams that are still being dreamt. If I only could have learned sooner that the majority of teenage aspirations are only ever diverted, never given straightaway.
I will blink my eyes, and I will be another year older. Two blinks, another 10 years. Three blinks, asleep in an overstuffed armchair in, probably, without fail, unfortunately, some well-shaded suburban American town...
My summer reading list is in front of me at my desk as I study:
"Un jour, j'étais âgée déjà, dans le hall d'un lieu public, un homme est venu vers moi". Exquisite.
Japanese oral exam tomorrow. I made flashcards with grammar points. Tomorrow, armed with the biggest coffee I can legally buy, I will talk to myself in Japanese all morning, in probably a public place, and pray that the patterns I'm repeating begin to sound like that true chord ringing deep in my chest, the one that rings loudest when I'm sitting in Lansing at 10:30 at night and inhaling slowly, savoring slowly each note of wet earth and humid air, feeling undeniably home.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment